Meeting the Challenge of Communication in Friendships: Communication in Friendships Between Males and Females
I would like to examine communication in friendships between males and females. The most apparent issue involved in this type of relationship is the different approach that many men and women have toward relating and communication. Understanding this difference is beneficial to anyone who would like to develop or maintain opposite sex friendships.
An examination of stereotypes is necessary for the sake of simplicity . In reality, many people do not follow the cultural norm. Male and female qualities cannot be defined so easily. Yet, genetics and culture strongly influence male and female characteristics. Most people have similar expectations of how men or women should behave. Whether born or bred, most men and women share a degree of similarity with the stereotypes. Marilyn Sachs from Ohio State University describes the different characteristics of men and women in her web page Male / Female Communication Styles. In it, she tells how “Generally . . . men are seen as aggressive, independent and objective. . . . (W)omen are seen as submissive, dependent and subjective.” She explains that men tend to speak in an informative style while women seek information. Men are competitive and women cooperative. The different speech patterns of men and women are also described by the University of Pennsylvania’s, Professor Mark Liberman. In his web page, Language and Gender, he points out that female speech is more polite and formal , while men’s is less polite and informal. Men interrupt more than women, and women are more hesitant. Another good web page, Gender Differences in Communication: An Intercultural Experience, by Florida Atlantic University’s Becky Mulvaney, explains how women “. . . use (using) tag questions, qualifiers and fillers to soften their messages.” For women talking is what a relationship is all about. Men use talking as a means to an end; to dominate and improve their status.
Becky Mulvaney suggests that the keys to improving communication between males and females are awareness and respect; awareness that men and women may have different goals, values and speech patterns, and respect for those differences. Men and women also need to be aware of and respect each others individuality. The differences shown here are an attempt to describe men and women in general. In friendship, the focus is on the individual. All men are not aggressive and all women are not submissive.
A friendship between a man and a women can be rewarding in a special way. As men and women become more aware of each other, they may find that many of the outward differences between them are methods to the same end. Most men and women want the same things from a friendship, such as companionship, support, and approval. Effective communication between men and women not only helps them understand each other, it also helps them understand themselves. Men and women can bring out qualities in each other that might otherwise be hidden because they do not fit the stereotypes.
This panel has focused on the issues of communicating within various sorts of friendships. Depending on the type of friendship, certain issues may demand more attention than others. Yet communication involves common skills. The goal of this panel is to give everyone an opportunity to examine their attitudes and improve their communication skills. Improving these skills, can improve the quality of friendships.
Works Cited
Mulvaney, Becky Michele. “Gender Differences in Communication: An Intercultural Experience.” http://cpsr.org/cpsr/gender/mulvaney.txt .1994
Sachs, Marilyn A.“Male / Female Communication Styles" http://www.ag.ohio-state.edu/~ohioline/hyg-fact/5000/5280.html
Liberman, Mark. “Lanquage and Gender” http://www.ling.upennn.edu/courses/ling001/gender.htm
2000 by Ronald Fife
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